There are so many different topics I want to write about but I think this one might help me cover them all in one fail swoop.
Last year I created a list of goals. They included friends, music, happiness…etc. I thought I could make one for this year as well and see how well it holds up by the end of the year.
So here’s my list of goals
1 Get the house of my dreams.
We recently went and saw a house, fell in love and put in a bid. Our offer was accepted but since it is a short sale we will have to wait months to hear back from the bank with their approval. This makes the list because it has always been a goal of mine to own my own home. To be able to paint, and make it a home rather than an apartment will be mind blowing to me. My whole life has been one rental to another. When/ if I get the house it will be my forever home, where Laurel will grow and call it her childhood home. It will be the only home she remembers.
2. Focus more on finding happiness through myself rather than through others
Last year I wrote how I was going to rebuild bridges and make friends in order to maintain happiness. I realized later on in the year that happiness can only really come from me, not others. It may appear while hanging out with other people, but it still comes from inside of me, not from them. Happiness is not a gift someone can give you. Happiness is something you can find in yourself when you see and experience the world. I need to focus more on finding happiness within myself rather than in events and in other people.
3. Pimp out my classroom for next school year.
I have had ideas and pins for ideas of how I want to set up my classroom for next year. I plan to spend my summer making up cool parent brochures, making Nintendo themed posters for my walls. Last summer I wanted to plan for my classroom but due to my mental health I was unable. Now that my mental health is better I cannot wait to be 100 percent prepared for next school year.
4. Focus more on the happy moments with my daughter rather than being stressed out all the time.
It is easy to look at your child and think of them as a responsibility. Between breakfasts, medicines, teeth brushing, breathing treatments, getting to school on time, picking them up, feeding them again, bathing them, reading to them and getting them to bed on time, children can really wear you out. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the routine and the stress of it all that I miss out on the loving moments like when she asks, “mommy, can we snuggle and watch cartoons.” These are the moments that are fleeting that I should be focusing on. She is at the best age right now, where she is gaining her independence but she still wants to please and show off for me. These are the moments that will last a lifetime and build who she becomes. They are important.
5. Get better at actually cooking meals for dinner
I have been so lazy this year. I get home from work and just make chip dip for dinner. I will cook for my daughter and then just make a bowl of Captain Crunch for myself. Groceries are expensive and meal planning and cooking is boring but I really feel like eating better would also help my mental state.
6. appreciate the things I have, rather than the things I once had, or don’t have
It is easy, especially in America, to want what we don’t have. We live in the past or we see what other people have and want it for ourselves. I have a wonderful daughter, a fulfilling job, a great boyfriend, and a great car. Everything in life is great and I need to show appreciation for them. Extra hugs for my daughter, more I love yous to my boyfriend, more smiles with my students, and more car washes for my car.
The last thing I wanted to talk about was resentment. I didn’t think resentment was a real thing. It wasn’t until last year that I realized that it’s a very real emotion. The last four years were spent away living someone else’s life because I was making them happy. I am now 28 and i’m not sure where that time went. I promised that I wouldn’t resent them, but it turns out that is something you cant promise. Resentment just kind of happens when you put yourself on the back burner for too long. Turns out four years, was just too damn long.
So number 7. is to not let anyone’s happiness (other than possibly Laurel’s) come before mine. I do not want to live to resent anyone else in this life time. It is easy to put other people first and to think to yourself that it doesn’t matter, but it does.