The Love You Deserve

Something I’ve learned recently: Love the people who put you first. 

Love the people who look at you like you’re a super hero. 

Love the people who are there to listen whenever you need them the most. 

Love the people who treat you like family, even if you’re not blood. 

Love the people who envision a happy life with you in it. 

My second lesson is: make sure you love them back, and make sure they know it. 

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Living my life

I always knew what I wanted to do. Since 8th grade I knew I wanted to become an English teacher. I entered high school and applied for all possible scholarships. By the end of freshman year I had a full ride. By the end of graduation I had a full ride plus extras that would pay for housing, my car and living expenses. 

I worked hard and graduated college in four years; even with having no where to live at one point, my cheating boyfriend, and my mom going to jail, I maintained a 3.75 gpa. I took all three certification tests and passed them all on my first try. 

I applied to over 200 positions, went to 7+ interviews and one job fair. I got the first job offer at the job fair. It was stressful but also very exciting to land my first job. 

I taught for one year and one year only. I taught at a title one, primarily migrant, school. I didn’t know going in, but I was hired to teach ELL students. Over half of the students spoke either Creole or Spanish. Let’s just say it was a hard year but it was very rewarding. 

At the end of that year I moved with my husband because he joined the Air Force and was given orders to live in another state. I then became a mom and four years passed before my eyes. 

Now we are moving back and I am getting the opportunity to work in the classroom again. I had a super interview today and after 10 mins they offered me the job. I am beyond elated. 

All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is to teach and travel. Both of those things have been put on hold in order for my husband to pursue his dream but it’s finally my turn. 

I’m a little scared but mostly excited. I’m glad that I will be financially contributing. I’ve also already told him that I don’t want more children. It’s not sitting well with him, but this is my time. I love our daughter but more kids will just make things too complicated. I want to be able to travel and explore life. Daycare, babysitters and general life expenses are a lot when it comes to kids. 

It may be selfish but I’m ready to live my life. I’m ready to be home with my friends, teaching my favorite subject, and enjoying life with my family. 

Hello 2017

Friends vs Family

As someone  who never had much of a family to speak of, I always grasped onto friends. 

Now that I am married and have in-laws and his family members to call my own, I still value my friends more. 

It may be incorrect to think this way but: The family I have, through marriage, loves me due to obligation; my friends love me through sheer willingness and want. The love of my friends is without chains.

A Broken Woman

An unexpected, unwanted daughter in a family of seven. 

She had a mother who was unusually cruel and brother who told her daily that they saved “the shit” for last. 

The love her life married someone else and her husband told her he only married her because she would take care of him. He never loved her. 

Shortly after, she got into a bad car accident that left her neck loose and her eyebrows scarred. 

She met a homeless man living in a used car lot and became pregnant with twins. 

He drank and beat her every night he decided to come home. 

She loved her twins dearly but at the age of ten she quit parenting. She was tired of doing it all on her own and turned to crack cocaine. She thought they could take care of themselves. 

She made poor choices in friends based on her newly acquired hobby and was robbed and abused. 

She ran deep in debt and fell behind on all of the bills. She ran to Florida with the twins where family could help out. 

They all turned her down because they knew she was abusing drugs. 

Her daughter got jobs and paid for the bills while her son dropped out of school to make sure she didn’t kill herself. 

Eventually the twins grew up and tired of their defeated mother draining their lives. The son left first, moving to Wisconsin. The daughter left next, moving into several different homes with friends and their parents. 

Several years later the mother was arrested for trafficking narcotics and spent over a year in jail. 

The daughter traveled to the grey visitation center each Saturday and regretted every visit. 

Once out of jail she moved into a one bedroom apartment and picked up old habits. She dwindled away her life and eventually isolated herself from everyone until she ultimately killed herself. 

2017 Personal Goals

Last week a good friend of mine posted her 2017 goals and I found them to be inspirational. I began to wonder what my personal goals for the year might be. I’m pretty bad at keeping resolutions but I feel like year long goals should be pretty attainable as long as I make them pretty simple and not very stringent.

So here are the goals I am making for myself:

  1. Take care of yourself: I tend to put other people first. Between my husband, daughter and in-laws I always seem to put myself last. This year I would like to take time out of each day to do something small for myself, even if it is just painting my nails or taking a longer shower.
  2. Get back into music: For the last several years I lived on a military base where everything was within a five minute driving radius. I never had to put on music in my car for very long, and I kind of grew out of looking up new artists to follow and devour. Since moving back to Florida, where I live an hour from all of my friends, I am in the car more often and in desperate need of new music. Thankfully I have found Hamilton (the musical) along with several other artists based on recommendations from friends. I hope to keep reaching out and finding more music to lift my spirits and carry me through 2017 because the music I currently have on my phone is all pretty depressing stuff.
  3. Rebuild old bridged: This one is probably the goal I care the most about. Throughout high school I was always worried about maintaining my friendships and making sure I never lost anyone. Overtime we inevitably grew apart and gained our own lives. Now that I am back home, I hope to repair several of those friendship bridged. I’ve always thought of my friends as family. Due to the fact that I don’t actually have blood relatives, they are my family and I’ve missed them dearly. Since returning, I have called upon three of my oldest friends and we are hanging out, and making plans for the future and I could not be happier. I feel whole again by having them in my life again. I didn’t realize the hole that was in my heart while we were out of touch.
  4. Keep being creative: I haven’t been making as many YouTube videos lately for my channel, but I also haven’t been reading as much. This time of year is kind of depressing for me, especially while my husband has been deployed. Instead I find myself filling the creativity void with art. I color in my coloring books and had the opportunity to chalk draw in down town. These are the outlets that are currently making me happy, creatively, and I hope to continue to fill that need.
  5. Read less: I know this is the strangest objective on the list but I think it is a necessary one. Last year I read almost 80 books. Being a mom, wife and hopefully, full time worker, I do not have the time to read that much. I found myself reading to fill some kind of void. If I didn’t finish a certain amount of books a week than I failed and I wasn’t using my time properly. It meant that I was wasting my down time doing unproductive things. Instead, what it really meant, was that I was neglecting time spent with my husband and daughter. By reading so much I was neglecting my family as well as my other hobbies. This year I still intend to read many books, just not as many as last year and I don’t plan to make it my number one priority anymore.

Well I guess that’s it for my goal list. I think they are all obtainable since I’ve already started most of them before the end of 2016. Let me know down below what some of your yearly goals are. Thanks again Sam for inspiring me to create a list as well. I look forward to our adventures this year.