It is getting harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror lately. I don’t think I see a good person anymore. I’m not really sure who I see in the mirror anymore, honestly.
Deep down, I know that what I’m doing is right, and that I deserve to find my happiness. But, at what cost?
What type of person breaks up a family, destroys the nicest man on the planet, and forces her daughter to only see each parent every other week?
Everyone that I’ve talked to has told me that I’m doing the right thing because I deserve to find my happiness, but I also see their hesitation and their thoughts they hold back. I know that I seem crazy and that my decision doesn’t make sense. There are many days when I question myself as well.
Here is what I have come up with so far, as to why I needed to get a divorce and drastically change my life:
I went from taking care of my mom from ages 13-17
to taking care of a boyfriend who cheated on me
to taking care of 2 male room mates
to moving in with my boyfriend and then moving in to his parents house
giving up my career
becoming a full time mom
…
I don’t know. It just seems like I never got to experience that phase in life where I was just free. You know? That time where I am supposed to explore and travel or just be fucking wild. I’m 27 now and I just feel like I want to live my life, for me, not for anyone else.
At the same time though, I’m losing the greatest man I’ve ever known. I’m giving up the chance at a family I’ve never had. What does this all say about me?
Am I a good person, or a bad one?
I’m still trying to figure it out. I mean, I know that we are all a little gray, but I’ve been feeling a lot darker lately than normal, which is weird because I’ve also felt a lot happier lately. I’ve been laughing more, dancing, and taking better care of myself than I have in years.
I guess, I just need more time to figure out my life.
Voldemort Killed My Parents 