I know when I was a child I used to tease you for the way you would cry all the time. I thought it made you weak and temperamental. I never understood why, at a drop of a hat, you would just break down in tears and full-out sobs.
Finally, at the age of 27, I understand. I understand that the birth of my brother and I altered your emotional state, just like having Laurel altered mine. I understand that being alone and not having a family of your own to support you while you raise your children is hard. I understand the desperate need to want a better life for your children yet understanding that you’re likely to fall short on that promise. I undestand now why you said you felt like we could fend for ourselves. What you really meant was we were better off without you. I feel that way about Laurel being better off without me all the time too.
But then I remember, all I wanted was for you to be there for me. I wanted you to listen without wanting anything from me. I regret that you weren’t able to be at my wedding. You weren’t at my college graduation. You weren’t there through the emotional months of child bearing or the even more emotional months after labor.
For Laurel I will be there. Even if I cry every day. Even if I think she would be better off without me. I know that she will want me to be there for her. I know that even if I’m not the best, even if I’m broken, she still needs her mother by her side.