For the longest time I was the victim. I grew accostomed to it that eventually, when I wasn’t a victim anymore I continued to play one because I didn’t know any other way to be.
Now that I’m on my own and trying to find my happiness I’m recognizing this as a severe flaw. I’m realizing that this is the reason indrive people away. This is the reason everyone leave. This is the reason I have trust issues. I’m not the victim anymore. If anything, I’ve become the villain.
I need to learn to trust, to not jump to conclusions, to love freely (including myself), and to let things go. I need to stop holding grudges. I need to learn to stop shutting down at the slightest of mishaps. I need to learn to stop cutting people out of my life. It’s not simpler, it’s just an excuse to feel bad for myself.
I need to learn to be a better person/ friend/ mother/ and self. I’m working on it. I really am. It’s just going to take a lot of time.